The Legal One Percent

AppleMichigan Student Loses His Mind Over Stolen Apple

 
Above The Law tapped into a slightly hilarious and potentially frightening story this week. The moral of the story is this: The combination of the high-stress environment found in law schools with the personalities who stereotypically populate law schools can create a hand grenade of tension with a unique and easily removed pin.
This past week, the hand grenade was at the University of Michigan’s School of Law, one of the Tier 14 schools. The pin was a stolen apple. The short of the story is a law student had his apple stolen from a community fridge in one of the law school buildings on Michigan’s campus. Many questions arise from this situation. Why would someone from such a prestigious university steal? What’s more, Michigan is the third highest producing state of apples. It has 9.2 million commercial apple trees. It produced about 30 million bushels of apples in 2013. That is about 1.26 billion pounds of apples. The fruit is not exactly scarce or hard to come by.
Finally, how did Above The Law even know about this seemingly pointless story? The victim of the stolen fruit let the entire student body know how upset he was by writing an email to the entire law student listserv. The alarming part of the email, which can be seen in full on the link below, is how poetic and well written the prose was. Perhaps the best line was, “And I hope that when you were finished eating it—that thing that wasn’t yours—you looked down at the slimy core, devoid of all value, and saw in it your own image; a reflection of your ruined, seedy self, thieving the fruits of another’s labor.”
Wow. Harsh. The twist is a few days later; the thief came forward with an equally articulate confession to the entire law student listserv. The response opened with, “The door creaks open, a cold light flickers. All is illuminated, but nothing shines brighter than that sweet Red Delicious. It blushed at me through a brown paper bag, Adam’s apple.” The confession goes on in excruciating detail.
And law students are supposed to be overworked and stressed?
Source: Above The Law
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